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[7edacted]

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"I’m uh, I’m a biographer by trade. You wouldn’t know my name but I’ve almost certainly ghost-written something that you’ve read and this— This seems like um, this seems like a story worth telling well."

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un: thedirector
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[7edacted]

[Gods, this is awkward. Lucretia keeps her eye contact elsewhere as they stand and the seconds tick by. She tries her best not to look like she's counting and instead meters out a breath.]

Don't be so hard on yourself, I've seen some pretty dumb experiments. [A beat and the corner of her mouth quirks up.] One of my agents once swallowed an all-powerful artifact to keep it out of enemy hands. We're talking like, world-ending level and he swallowed it whole.

[Ah Magnus. Why.]

[neriticism]

[ As awkward as this might be, her anecdote hits like a punch out of left field for more reasons than one, and it knocks out a short but honest to god laugh. Mostly for the keyword agent being thrown in with the rest of that absolute insanity. ]

Holy shit, all right, yeah, I'll feel better about myself. [ He breaks their eye contact stand-off to shoot her a glance, ] Do I even wanna know how that went for him or am I better off living in suspense?

[7edacted]

[She laughs, undeniably fond.]

The hardest part was keeping anyone else from trying to gut him alive to get at the Philosopher's Stone.

Well. The hardest part for me. I'm sure the hardest part for Magnus was the eventual, ah, extraction.

[No poop jokes here.]

[neriticism]

[ The laugh valve is still a little loose, so he inevitably scoffs again at what sounds like a complete debacle. At least she's laughing too, so it's probably safe to assume the dude hadn't died from aforementioned... obstructions. Or the removal attempts thereof. ]

No kiddin', I've seen some dumb spur-of-the-moment moves, but what a... [ literal shitshow ] logistical nightmare.

[ A tiny bit more professional, because color him curious. She's awfully candid about a lot of things he'd instinctively think to keep quiet. ]

Agents and Philosopher's Stones, huh. Dare I even ask what it is you do for a livin'?

[7edacted]

[It helps when you have an extraterrestrial jellyfish that helpfully censors anything you don't want the average layman to know.]

Normally I'd say I'll pass but. [She pauses, still considering it regardless.]

I'm the leader of an organization called The Bureau of Balance. We are dedicated to destroying dangerous artifacts from around the world. Normally I would have to kill you for this but there's not really any danger of loose lips here.

[neriticism]

[ Must've been nice. Some plebs just have to learn to watch their own tongue. But boy, leader? He whistles. ]

I gotta say I had a hunch the username wasn't pulling any punches... Well I appreciate the restraint, Miss Director, my lips are sealed regardless, but— destroying them?

[ His eyes have gone a little incredulously wide. If he had any pearls, he might've just clutched them at that moment. She had mentioned the world-ending nature of Magnus' ill-gotten snack, and that could certainly potentially warrant destruction, but... ]

Y'know on a normal day we mighta been professional nemeses.

[7edacted]

Typically it's Madam Director but I didn't pick it.

[Miss sounds like it belongs to a younger woman. One that didn't wager twenty years of her life in a game that she lost.

Ahem.]

Oh? Care to elucidate? What are secrets between... handholding pals.

[neriticism]

Madam, excuse me.

[ It’s a little jokingly reverent, but not in a rude way. He supposes it ought to have been missus, anyway, on account of her devout marriage to her work, but details. ]

[ Anyway, he shifts uncomfortably, but he was indeed the very one who’d brought it up. They’ve been candid enough, and he certainly let the cat out of the bag a couple times back home. Handholding mutually-assured-destruction pals. ]

I work for an organization that deals mostly in the research of supernatural phenomena, creatures, y’know, artifacts, and the like.

[ So. Portals and alternate dimensions absolutely fall under his jurisdiction, though not exactly his department. ]

If you went around trashing assets, you'd get yourself put on a List pretty quick, is all I'm saying.

[ Not a hitlist, per se, but... Maybe a hitlist. An extremely firm Stop This list at the very least, but you stop the quickest when you're dead. Thanatical is efficient like that sometimes. And at its core, a company fueled by bureaucratic capitalist avarice, he'd never deny that. ]

[7edacted]

[She quirks a brow and chuckles a little bit. Less at the insinuated hit list but just the cross over between their jobs.

More seriously,]

Well, I'm not sure what the assets in your world are like, but the relics I'm after have the ability to wipe out entire cities in ten seconds or less.

[Said with the gravitas of someone who has seen it happen before.]

I don't need to research them. I need to destroy them.

[neriticism]

[ Gravitas acknowledged and respected. Seen some shit is a tone you get remarkably familiar with in this line of work. It’s his turn to laugh under his breath. ]

Well I am… contractually obligated to disagree. [ Facetiously delicate words chosen with a facetiously delicate smile before he glances off across the room. ] I mean, maybe something like that turns up in some department once in a career if you’re lucky, but…

[ There’d been a point in his life that he wouldn’t have been facetious. That he might have actually scorned her for throwing such powerful artifacts away. ]

I’d be lying if I told you that everything we’ve got in storage really oughta be there.

[ Likewise, there’s a bit of a knowing tone to his words. Because nowadays he’ll agree, there are a couple things in the world that just shouldn’t be in general. ]

[7edacted]

Well, take it from someone that knows: Things in storage eventually come out.

[There's more she could say about it, but their situations are so vastly different despite appearances. The Grand Relics aren't just powerful objects - and she's not exactly destroying them. Not in the same sort of manner that she's letting others believe. She has plans for them first.

Some details can stay secrets, even from the memory-eating voidfish.]

In any case. [Lucretia glances down.] How long do you think we need to hold hands?