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Yeah I was kinda hoping you of all people wouldn't give me shit for it or try to feel me up like some of these freaks

[ Jack. ]

[ Anyway this is a roundabout way of saying you're basically the most trustworthy person on this goddamn train why won't you cherish this. ]

As long as it's that and not hope for a budding romance. I'm very happily married to my work.

Hey trust me I get that, same here, our ten year anniversary is coming up. But I don't think work would mind a little handholding for the sake of checking something off the old to-do list.

Ten years. Isn't that the aluminum anniversary? Congratulations.

And this is all rather salacious. Can you promise that no one will ever hear of this?

Yeah, thanks. I've been real torn between a new watch or some diamond cufflinks.

Hand to god, it'll go to my grave if it goes to yours too. Where can I find you?

Save the cufflinks for 25. Don't want to peak too soon.

[And there's a loooooong pause here. Jokes aside, it feels silly. Unprofessional.]

In the last train car. There's some ruins near the big heart-shaped lake. I set up my home around there.

[ Bold of you to assume he'll make it to 25 in this career. ]

The big what-shaped now? I thought you said hard pass on the romance, Miss Director.

Jk I'm pretty sure I know the place. See you soon.

[ Back to hiking... But frankly it's worth it to be so far out of the way. Trust him, Lucretia, jokes aside, this is the last thing he wants to be doing either. Eventually he comes up on the lake, and follows it along the shore towards the aforementioned ruins, eyes peeled for anything home-like standing out among the archaeological marvel. ]

It's a shape. Don't push your luck.

[It's not too hard to spot once he's there. A tree parked right in the middle of the ruins and a door at the base. For anyone who has used the Happy Home app since they arrived in this car, it shouldn't be too hard to sus out that it's one of it's impermanent homes.

The door is ajar and as Vidal approaches he'll find a humble home. A bed, a desk with a fishbowl (no fish) set on top of it. Inside Lucretia is making her bed, although it's already made. It comes off like someone who is trying to clean up for company, but everything has already been done.]

That was fast.

[ Luck pushed no further, ma'am. Anyway, what is this, Winnie the Pooh? Good, because it sticks out like a sore thumb and Vidal makes his way quickly towards it, rapping quietly on the door with his knuckles before easing it open to peek his head inside. ]

[ It's not like she keeps things modest, if this is just what the app gives her, but it suits her somehow. Right down to the smoothing down the sheets that are already tucked. He cracks a smile. ]

What can I say, I walk fast. I walk faster when I want to get somethin' over with as much as you do, for sure. [ And nudging the door open wide enough to sidle on through, ] Thanks for humoring me though. Maybe I'll split the spoils with you if they're any good.

[ If they get anything at all. At the very least the train seems to have been rewarding them for completed quests with forward momentum thus far, there's no reason to assume this wouldn't come with a boon. No matter how stupid it is. ]

I bet the spoils are the friends you made along the way.

[Ahem. But seriously now. She curls her hands into loose fists then laces her fingers together. Not sure how to get this started. Boy her people's skills are bad.

She sighs and holds one hand out.]

Well. Come on then.

Yeah that’s what this whole train’s starting to sound like.

[ Or especially in his case. No man is an island. It’d be nice if the whole universe would stop trying to remind him. As she gears herself up, he raises his eyebrows a little, as if he isn’t equally terrible at initiating friendly contact with anyone. ]

Yep, [ agreed quietly as she offers a hand, and he takes it curtly. Does it help at all that he wears gloves? Maybe? ] Just a really long, awkward handshake.

[ They’re both amazing at this. With some effort, he lets a little of the handshake stiffness in his arm ease up. However long it has to be before handshake ticks over into handhold... It’d be nice if they got some kind of ding! once they satisfied some objectives, wouldn’t it. ]

You are welcome to personally hold this over me as one of the dumbest things I’ve done to test a theory. [ Or, you know, fallen for. He doesn’t say that lightly. ]

[Gods, this is awkward. Lucretia keeps her eye contact elsewhere as they stand and the seconds tick by. She tries her best not to look like she's counting and instead meters out a breath.]

Don't be so hard on yourself, I've seen some pretty dumb experiments. [A beat and the corner of her mouth quirks up.] One of my agents once swallowed an all-powerful artifact to keep it out of enemy hands. We're talking like, world-ending level and he swallowed it whole.

[Ah Magnus. Why.]

[ As awkward as this might be, her anecdote hits like a punch out of left field for more reasons than one, and it knocks out a short but honest to god laugh. Mostly for the keyword agent being thrown in with the rest of that absolute insanity. ]

Holy shit, all right, yeah, I'll feel better about myself. [ He breaks their eye contact stand-off to shoot her a glance, ] Do I even wanna know how that went for him or am I better off living in suspense?

[She laughs, undeniably fond.]

The hardest part was keeping anyone else from trying to gut him alive to get at the Philosopher's Stone.

Well. The hardest part for me. I'm sure the hardest part for Magnus was the eventual, ah, extraction.

[No poop jokes here.]

[ The laugh valve is still a little loose, so he inevitably scoffs again at what sounds like a complete debacle. At least she's laughing too, so it's probably safe to assume the dude hadn't died from aforementioned... obstructions. Or the removal attempts thereof. ]

No kiddin', I've seen some dumb spur-of-the-moment moves, but what a... [ literal shitshow ] logistical nightmare.

[ A tiny bit more professional, because color him curious. She's awfully candid about a lot of things he'd instinctively think to keep quiet. ]

Agents and Philosopher's Stones, huh. Dare I even ask what it is you do for a livin'?

[It helps when you have an extraterrestrial jellyfish that helpfully censors anything you don't want the average layman to know.]

Normally I'd say I'll pass but. [She pauses, still considering it regardless.]

I'm the leader of an organization called The Bureau of Balance. We are dedicated to destroying dangerous artifacts from around the world. Normally I would have to kill you for this but there's not really any danger of loose lips here.

[ Must've been nice. Some plebs just have to learn to watch their own tongue. But boy, leader? He whistles. ]

I gotta say I had a hunch the username wasn't pulling any punches... Well I appreciate the restraint, Miss Director, my lips are sealed regardless, but— destroying them?

[ His eyes have gone a little incredulously wide. If he had any pearls, he might've just clutched them at that moment. She had mentioned the world-ending nature of Magnus' ill-gotten snack, and that could certainly potentially warrant destruction, but... ]

Y'know on a normal day we mighta been professional nemeses.

Typically it's Madam Director but I didn't pick it.

[Miss sounds like it belongs to a younger woman. One that didn't wager twenty years of her life in a game that she lost.

Ahem.]

Oh? Care to elucidate? What are secrets between... handholding pals.

Madam, excuse me.

[ It’s a little jokingly reverent, but not in a rude way. He supposes it ought to have been missus, anyway, on account of her devout marriage to her work, but details. ]

[ Anyway, he shifts uncomfortably, but he was indeed the very one who’d brought it up. They’ve been candid enough, and he certainly let the cat out of the bag a couple times back home. Handholding mutually-assured-destruction pals. ]

I work for an organization that deals mostly in the research of supernatural phenomena, creatures, y’know, artifacts, and the like.

[ So. Portals and alternate dimensions absolutely fall under his jurisdiction, though not exactly his department. ]

If you went around trashing assets, you'd get yourself put on a List pretty quick, is all I'm saying.

[ Not a hitlist, per se, but... Maybe a hitlist. An extremely firm Stop This list at the very least, but you stop the quickest when you're dead. Thanatical is efficient like that sometimes. And at its core, a company fueled by bureaucratic capitalist avarice, he'd never deny that. ]

[She quirks a brow and chuckles a little bit. Less at the insinuated hit list but just the cross over between their jobs.

More seriously,]

Well, I'm not sure what the assets in your world are like, but the relics I'm after have the ability to wipe out entire cities in ten seconds or less.

[Said with the gravitas of someone who has seen it happen before.]

I don't need to research them. I need to destroy them.

[ Gravitas acknowledged and respected. Seen some shit is a tone you get remarkably familiar with in this line of work. It’s his turn to laugh under his breath. ]

Well I am… contractually obligated to disagree. [ Facetiously delicate words chosen with a facetiously delicate smile before he glances off across the room. ] I mean, maybe something like that turns up in some department once in a career if you’re lucky, but…

[ There’d been a point in his life that he wouldn’t have been facetious. That he might have actually scorned her for throwing such powerful artifacts away. ]

I’d be lying if I told you that everything we’ve got in storage really oughta be there.

[ Likewise, there’s a bit of a knowing tone to his words. Because nowadays he’ll agree, there are a couple things in the world that just shouldn’t be in general. ]

Well, take it from someone that knows: Things in storage eventually come out.

[There's more she could say about it, but their situations are so vastly different despite appearances. The Grand Relics aren't just powerful objects - and she's not exactly destroying them. Not in the same sort of manner that she's letting others believe. She has plans for them first.

Some details can stay secrets, even from the memory-eating voidfish.]

In any case. [Lucretia glances down.] How long do you think we need to hold hands?

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